Bittersweet Xenophobia, But Mostly Bitter

Oh, Korea... I know you have a history of being stepped-on and abused by your neighbors... I know you are a relatively small country... And I know you can be both extremely proud and extremely insecure because of unfortunate moments in history that still require apologies. Hundreds of years of abuse and war would make ANY small country weary and cautious of trust. But, you've not only survived; you've thrived! Your jaebeols/재벌 (Samsung, Hyundai, etc.) have earned you economic power. Your culture, food and entertainment are quickly earning you cultural influence around the world. I understand where you came from, and I congratulate your great and ongoing achievements!

Your unique challenges are what drive you to success...
           ~   but if not careful, you can take that too far.

So, why all the recently-increasing outcry and panic over the foreign English-native-speaking teachers? A few bad apples should not ruin the entire cart. Despite what your media tries to teach you, not all white guys are going to destroy you (Men in general, though - of any race... I won't make any promises)! For those of you who don't know about this issue, let me briefly summarize it from the press-hyped, xenophobic Korean perspective:

1. White devil enters Korea through the E-2 visa program (English teacher).
2. White devil starts seducing and raping young innocent Korean women.
3. White devil fondles and molests all of his English students and children.
4. White devil does drugs, impregnates indiscriminately and spreads AIDS.
5. White devil leaves, taking valuable plundered Korean money with him. 

Actual Crimes
There has been an accelerating amount of news, gossip and discussion going around Korea lately. A tipping point was arguably the extensive news coverage of the "Christopher Paul Neil" scandal (he was a disgusting serial child molester who affected Korea and was thankfully caught in Thailand in 2007).

Engineered Hype
A lot of the ensuing firestorm has been fueled by Korea's propagandized "news" media (think: Fox news)... most notably, the infamous "'Shocking Reality' MBC report," in which foreign men were cast as drug-addicted sexual predators and Korean women as victims. Now, to be honest, MBC writers were on strike during this time, so MBC relied on production outsourcing for material. In my opinion, it's likely that this introduced a credibility issue; and it's probable that some unscrupulous groups have used the opportunity to gain political clout. But I digress... sort of. At any rate, MBC is not apologizing. And, this does indicate a shadow-culture that is racist and hateful, with an agenda of some sort. Also, by the way, many stories abound about how reporters and other suspicious people routinely target foreigners with a pretense of them all having something to hide. Here are some sample stories:

While once at a university networking and language-exchange party (hosted monthly by the staff), I saw a group of people come in with a professional video camera with the KBS logo on the side. The camera constantly focused on me and I jokingly introduced myself (assuming to know the reason they were there) as a teacher that doesn't do anything illegal. Nobody knew why they were there. Shortly after, the camera crew left and things got back to normal. As we were introducing each other, an older Korean man came over and told me his name. Then my friend pulled me aside and warned me that the man was likely a reporter. I ended up talking to the man again and asked him what his job was, to which he replied "student." He didn't want to talk about, though. Shortly after asking me if I had many girlfriends (to which I said "no"), he pointed to a girl going by and asked me what I thought of her and if I thought she liked me (turned out later that they were together). Later that night, I lit up a cigar and started to smoke it when the same guy and the girl sat down at my table and told me that the cigar smelled like marijuana. I told him that I wouldn't know, as I don't smoke that. I asked him how he knew what it smelled like, and he said that lots of foreigners smoke marijuana at his university. He then asked me, AGAIN, what was in my cigar. I told him it was just tobacco. Shortly after that, as I was leaving, the man again questioned me about the cigar.

Or this gem of a story from a female English teacher...

The first thing that I noticed that was wrong was the things in my apartment were out of place, the frightened bahavior of my little toy poodle puppy when I returned home from work, and that my personal papers and documents were searched and tampered with. Then I noticed that many of my private documents regarding my personal history and the background that qualified me for my teaching job in Korea were taken. I then noticed the memory disk of my camera was missing. I began to get harassing phone calls, the rear tire of my bike was flattened about nine times within a few months, the lock was broken, my garbage gone through, my emails hacked and many items in my handbag repeatedly stolen. My personal property at work was tampered with in such an obvious way as to make me feel intimidated. On one instance, upon entering the office, a clump of light brown hair was affixed to the light switch - I am the only westerner there, with light hair. I also began to notice the presence of local police doing unusual things at unlikely times. I was told by my doctor that one of my co-teachers and my supervisor came to his office with the police demanding to see my medical files. I was stopped and questioned at the local train station about why I was there and where I was going. These things all began, from what I was told by a human rights investigator, after a xenophobic and racist news story was ran about foreigners.

Further Attempts to Organize Hatred
Then to throw more gasoline on the fire, Korea's infamous "netizens" have been going bat-shit crazy on the Internet. Perhaps even as a precursor to a fully-fledged hate group, one guy (Yie Eun-Woong) has begun a Naver cafe (kind of like a popular bulletin board) called "Anti-English Spectrum" (a play on words of a former famous English teacher portal called "English Spectrum"). Comically, by the way, in an apparent effort to be political, they have changed their name to "Citizens of Right English Education." Whatever.

Reality Check
I think this whole situation is like a "perfect storm"... Korea's natural (and valid) weariness of foreign "invaders," Koreans' unfounded feelings of insecurity due to being a newcomer to the cultural and economic global stage, and Korea being a naturally and historically homogenous society... combine all of that, and the tinder is ready for a firestorm. The only thing remaining that is needed then, are a few incendiary stories about sex and children, of course!

Now, while I'm not saying that bad things don't happen (they do everywhere, after-all).
I am saying that suspecting all white people in Korea of being drug-addicted sexual predators is uneducated and ignorant -- and Korea, I know that you're smarter than this.

Actually, according to one report, it's apparent that, on a percentage basis, more Korean people are criminals than foreigners in Korea. So, requiring all E2 visa holders to be suspected, rounded up, searched, and HIV-tested is supremely STUPID. Do you really want to make the world laugh at you? I don't want to see that! But I suspect the xenophobic portion of your population doesn't care. And if you actually made those requirements a law, even that might be fine... But it's not a law! It's a policy that didn't go through legal due-process, and is thus a political mandate that is primarily meant to placate an apparently over-zealous and panicked populous.

Listen to me, Korea...
If you are to continue growth as a major player in the global economy, and want to contribute your culture to the world (which will make you stronger), then you won't be able to depend solely on the strength of such domestic-based chae-bols as Samsung or Hyundai. Your ability to be seen as favorable in foreigners' eyes will be important (as it is for all global players); and you must not allow unfair stereotypes to be created about you, because they are hard to dispel. You must weed-out those xenophobic and insecure idiots and netizens among you. They are the unsavory weeds within the flourishing and beautiful garden that is the country of South Korea! Every culture around the world has those weeds; but you, Korea, are in the middle of a major growth and have fantastic opportunity in the world... so don't allow a few bad apples get in your way during this critical phase of your growth.

Psy's Ultimate Korean Satire: Gangnam Style

Since the first days of the "Korean wave," music producers have been pouring tons of money into trying to break-through into the American market. Even recent attempts have not proven to be fruitful. Wonder Girls, SNSD (Girls' Generation), and 2NE1, among others, have all not quite hit the mark. Even employing A-list American music influences (Jonas Brothers, Akon, etc.) hasn't quite done the trick. Korea's big-money, ultra-produced sensations have all failed to become mainstream in America.

But one relatively unattractive, overweight, unpolished and otherwise ordinary guy has apparently succeeded.
~ Without even trying.
~~ And doing it all with a satirical video that mocks a significant portion of Korea's ultra-proud culture.

I'm talking, of course, about Psy and his hit "Gangnam Style." At last check, the video was almost at 64,000,000 views on YouTube and still gaining over 1,000,000 per day. To put that in perspective, it has now beaten some of the most "viral" videos that we all know, such as "Tron Guy," "The Evolution of Dance," and even "Numa Numa." There are numerous parodies from all over the world. Psy was even spotted in attendance at L.A. Dodger Stadium and was greeted by their dance-cam to throngs of fans who actually knew who he was, knew the dance, and knew the song.

Ultra-polished Korean K-Pop producers must now hang their heads in shame over the awe of what Psy inadvertently accomplished. Let's hope that this is the break-through that all Korean music fans have been waiting for. And I'm personally hoping that Psy gets some credit for it!

Watch Gangnam Style, below...

Coco the Papillon Puppy

A simple trip to Holiday World with some family, some casual discussion about the Rison's new dog (named Max, by the way), and some dog research the next day when we were home.... it all ended up with a sudden addition to mine and HeeLa's family on July 1st.

For some time now, especially since she graduated, HeeLa had been wanting a dog to keep her company whenever I was away at work or something - as long as it was small. Neither of us like the big, jumping, slobbering beasts. I also was intrigued by the idea, but worried about "small dog syndrome" (that yappy, ankle-biting stereotype). I also worried about the poor health that the "toy" breeds were prone to. So, discussion had moved toward a medium-energy, healthy dog that was incredibly smart. Vickie had mentioned a breed called "Papillon" (French for "butterfly") that was supposed to be the 8th smartest breed in the world (1-7 were larger breeds), very healthy, but fairly rare to come by.

The next day, we decided to look around at some pet stores (just to see and observe different breeds, in person, to better make a decision). I know, I know... pet stores are evil puppy mill participants ~ more on that in a later post!

Little did we know that the very last cage at Uncle Bill's Pet Store would contain a 10 week old Papillon puppy... seemingly just calmly waiting and watching us walk down toward her. She was sitting there calm, with huge ears pointing up and at us, gently tilting her head at us, as though she were trying to figure something out... I must admit, we could see a sort of intelligence there, compared to the other breeds. When we played with her, she had enough energy and interest to chase the toy around (if you played with it, with her), but would instantly go into a Zen state when you held her.

So, with no intention of buying a dog anytime soon, we went home with one that very day.

Ultimate Love Story, Episode I: How HeeLa and I Met

Finally, the official complete story!
Yes, this is long, but it's the most important story of my life, and it finally needed to be accounted for.

Preface
Throughout high school and college, I had been fairly typical in dating girls ~ consisting of short 1-2 night sequences and longer months-long bouts, and everything in between. As I, increasingly from time to time, grew tired of the "same old song and dance" of the dating world, I allowed a couple of those to even evolve into "relationships." The final one (ending as they all did: with her cheating on me), as I was almost near to completing college, convinced me that I needed a break from being "involved" before I began to think about settling down with someone. I had unofficially set my timeframe to about 2 years... really my goal was to find myself, so I would hopefully be better able to find the right one. So all that was now in hibernation while I would go about other priorities in life.

Since I had a somewhat worldly childhood, thanks to a pen-pal named Yuki and mom's work with foreign exchange students, I've always been interested in other cultures ~ particularly Japanese. In my final years of college, as I was reveling in the once-again single life, with great expectations of finding myself, I began to consider learning Japanese (which I had always tried to do since I had a childhood pen-pal). Since I was in the midst of preparing my first official resume, I though that adding another language on that would be quite enticing to a potential employer... it was still a bad economy, post 9/11, afterall. So, I joined a couple of pen-pal websites (a neat evolution from the pen and paper that I used as a child). The desire to expand my linguistic abilities, as I realized that I would soon need to find a job, further brought me to realize a program called JET. In JET, I would be paid to travel to, work and live in Japan, in exchange for teaching English. So I decided, then, that I needed to take some time after graduation to see the world and expand my knowledge. I began to compile the requirements for the Japanese government program.

That First Email
During all of that time, I was receiving about three new emails per month, from the pen-pal websites. Two out of those three were from females, and the remainder from males. Over the year or so that I was involved, I had come to realize that all the females were not out for language exchange, but rather for finding a man. Since I was consciously wanting a break from that, it disappointed me severely... I really just wanted to learn a language. So, eventually, I wouldn't even answer most of the emails from females (especially those desperate ones from the Philippines). As for the guys, there was another level of insanity: I got the distinct impression that they were mostly neurotic with other ulterior motives. For example, one of them would ask me about nothing except the U.S. military (he was a Korean guy who loved guns and envied our abilities, apparently). Again... not my purpose for being there....... Language, please?!

As I was about to quit those websites... as I was getting to the point of deleting emails without even reading them... and as I was almost complete with the JET paperwork and literally preparing to send it to the Japanese government, I got an email from HeeLa. I don't know why I didn't delete it, as I had done with the countless others. When I read it, I was immediately intrigued. Her broken English was somehow endearing, and I felt one of the few honest desires for legitimate language exchange once again! I spent the next hour or more replying to her, enthusiastically.

Thereafter would follow many long emails, and once we connected on MSN Messenger, many long chats. After HeeLa gained courage, and after I convinced her, we began to video-chat.... for hours on end, no less. It, honestly was amazing how seeing a person (including body language) helps overcome communication challenges. More than that, though... in all my life, I had never felt such a friendly and trusting friendship, as I had with HeeLa. I remember many times when our chats would go on until daybreak... the poor girl never got any sleep, but she didn't seem to mind.

Let's Meet
It didn't take us long to change our minds in what we wanted. Upon me learning that the Korean language was phonetic (just like the English alphabet), and thus much easier to learn than Japanese (which I was struggling with), I shifted my priorities. HeeLa would gain a massive competitive advantage in the Korean job market if she became better with English by studying abroad. HeeLa and I had a blossoming, trusting and dedicated friendship which, given its online nature, surprised both of us. I can't quite remember exactly when it happened, but my plans for JET faded about the time HeeLa planned to come to the U.S. to learn English for a semester or two... the wheels were set into motion.

Speaking for myself, given the circumstances: I was lucky in suddenly getting a great job at GE (without the language/experience-inflated resume), a full year in Japan was no longer possible, I was much more quickly learning Korean, and I would have a free place to stay in Korea. Given those circumstances, the decision was made to go to Korea for a post-graduation vacation and return to the U.S. together, with me in a somewhat familiar role as "host family" to HeeLa while she studied English. After that role had been fulfilled, and my friend had returned to Korea, I figured I would then be ready to settle into my career and get back to finding the right woman, with a fresh mind, in the ultimate goal to begin the rest of my life.

Korean Adventure
I had just flown on an airplane for the first time, only months before (to Florida with family), I didn't have a lot of money, and I certainly had no experience travelling to foreign countries. So, I think it is testament to how much HeeLa and I instinctively trusted each other (perhaps before we even realized it), when I bought the ticket to Korea and eventually stood (as much as jet lag allows) in Incheon Airport's arrival hall, straining to find my friend among a sea of similar looking people, while being hassled by enthusiastic taxi drivers. After a half-hour of waiting, the logical side of me began to wonder what was wrong... but at the same time, I (emotionally and inexplicably) was not worried. Right at that moment, a girl much taller than I expected was suddenly standing beside me trying to get my attention. The adventure was now in full swing.

I could go on and on about the wonders and excitement of travel, but don't want to digress from the point of this story. For the next month, we travelled to many places and further enriched our friendship.

The First Realization?
Since we now knew we could really trust each other (and HeeLa's family was also convinced), we prepared to leave. It would be the end of my foreign adventure and the start of hers. The plan was for us to fly back together on the same flight ~ but that wasn't going to happen. Due to an immigration paperwork mixup at the last minute, we were suddenly finding ourselves, for the first time, about to be separated.

HeeLa was absolutely distraught... and I couldn't stand to see her that way. We planned to get her on a flight the very next day, so we would meet again relatively soon, but that didn't seem to matter. At the moment I had to catch my plane, I completely broke Korean cultural norms and did the unimaginable (right in front of her mom)... I hugged her. I just wanted her to feel better and hopefully provide a sense that "it will be okay."

Until the plane boarded, I struck up conversation with other travellers (learning that Korean men apparently can't stand when women smoke cigarettes in public) and busied myself with concentrating on listening to announcements and eventually finding my seat on the plane. Only after I was situated and looking out the window of the plane, toward the airport terminal, did I begin to realize something wasn't quite right. After we took off and I saw the airport getting smaller, the full gravity of the situation began to hit me. I was, for the first time in a long time, very sad... illogically, irrationally sad... and it, honestly, surprised the hell out of me. I felt that I missed her... a LOT (keeping in mind that I was thoroughly enjoying being on my own and a lone traveller). And I found myself deeply concerned about her being able to make it the next day... would the plane be safe? Would she have trouble with immigration? Would the language barrier be a problem? Would she simply be scared?? I worried and empathized for her, as I had done with no other before.

Over the next several hours, I had my first conscious thoughts about something: was there something more to HeeLa and I... something that I didn't even realize? Or, was it that I had simply never had a deep friendship at this level before, and it was unfamiliar to me. This was my first inkling of a realization about what we potentially may have been. Only a month later, would I figure out which way it really was...

My Eyes Are Melting!

This evening was interesting... got home, was almost finished making bibimbap with HeeLa, just sat down to eat, and suddenly had some kind of weirdness going on with my vision.

Suddenly, it was as though I had looked at something bright, and then had that spot you see afterward... except it was overcast and almost ready to rain outside. After about 5 minutes, it wasn't going away, and was actually growing in size and beginning to encircle my direct field of vision.... started to worry a little, at that point. After a few more minutes, a sizeable portion of my vision was quite distorted.

We didn't even finish eating, HeeLa drove me to the immediate care center (forgot her license, too)... knowing how an E.R. visit would bankrupt us (the American health-care system, if you want to call it that, is another soapbox topic, altogether).

Halfway to the clinic, I'm suddenly fine.
We continue, anyway. Upon arriving, the receptionist was totally bitchy about us showing up 2 minutes prior to their patient cut-off time (again, a soapbox topic). I start to fill out the form, just to be safe, but once we learned it might take an hour to be seen, I decided not to worry about it. On the way home, a mild headache was in full progress. At that point, I'm kinda thinking it's stress-related, perhaps combined with my recent dietary changes.

More research uncovered a quite common phenomenon called "scintillating scotoma" and it's associated with something called an "ocular migraine." ~~ Might have something to do with my absolute failure with my diet yesterday, and the resulting MSG/Gluten binge at the Chinese buffet!

Of course, poor HeeLa was absolutely freaked out.

Korean Mothers-in-law

Two weeks until I am king of my hill...
Two weeks before a constant source of home-made Korean food...
Two weeks before a consistently cleaned house... LOL.... Just kidding! (or am I?)
And two weeks before HeeLa gets put into her rightful and proper place as a subordinate of me
~~~ oh, um... forgive the delusional moment!

Yes, two more weeks before HeeLa's family comes to visit for a month, from Korea. As the time approaches, we find ourselves joking more and more about how this will be so good for me, but not so much for HeeLa (not seriously, just joking). This is because I'm male, and my mother in law is Korean.

In western society, most men would rather take an arrow to the knee than have their mother-in-law visit for a month; but that's not so, if you're a guy married to a Korean woman! For reasons I'm still unable to accurately articulate,  a Korean woman's son-in-law is a very cherished addition to her family. Yet, a Korean woman's daughter-in-law is an evil bitch who is hell-bent on stealing her son from her. Quite the dichotomy (yet one reason I don't worry so much about having a daughter with HeeLa - that guy should be more scared of her than me).

At any rate, I'm constantly being reminded by HeeLa that I'd better not take any advantage of it; and all I need to do is remember that I'll be alone with her, after her family leaves to go back to Korea. Hmm... good thing to keep in mind, perhaps!  :)

Does anyone have any knowledge or thoughts on why this is?

Just Call Me Mr. Asperger

Well, for all of those who thought I may have been a bit "off" in one way or another, I finally have a bit of explanation for you.

For all the times I've used strange words, or not looked you in the eye when you were telling me something. For all the times I've seemed rather dorky about some things (building bridges, anyone?). For all the philosophical ramblings that nobody seems to really care about, yet I can tirelessly emit of verbal diarrhea.

Thanks to someone I've known since college, who can literally be called an "expert" in the field, I've been tested at about 1/3 Neuro-Typical and 2/3 Asperger's Syndrome on the spectrum.

WooHoo! Oh, um... wait..
hrmmmmmmmm...